Metrofarts: The Sequel

After yesterday, I gave up on the virtues of getting to work on time, and I slept until my normal 8:30. Unfortunately, the internet isn't working in my apartment (could it be the router?) so I didn't have my usual pre-morning surf.

I got to the metro at 9:15. At 9:20, I had to get onto another packed metro train. It's just not right. I was late, after all-- I shouldn't have to be packed in if I'm going to be late! I got on, and a woman got on right behind me. Arguably there wasn't room for her, but arguably there wasn't room for me yesterday, so fine. This was acceptable.

At the next stop, Woodley, someone got off, which was unusual, and took some time to coordinate. And then the woman in front of me tried to move to the middle of the train, but she had a suitcase, so she was having a difficult time maneuvering the aisle. I felt bad because it sucks to have a suitcase on a busy train. Did I mention I'm going to Maine next week?

Then this older woman, probably late 50s but it's always hard to tell these days, and self-important, probably a law firm partner, pushed me and the suitcase woman hard out of the way to get to the middle of the train. I said excuse me but she didn't say anything. When she got where she was going she looked back at me. But I wasn't having any of it. I gave her my look of death, which is a fucking good look of death. I learned mine from the judge.

"You should be here," she said, meaning where she was, like she found the magic excuse for making pushing ok. But not today.

"She has a suitcase." I said sternly, not dropping the look of death, and referring to the other woman truly caught in the middle.

"Still, she should be here." (The woman in the middle mumbled something about trying to move there, but this was no longer about her.)

"We're working on it." I don't know if that is what I said, but it was something like that which didn't make sense. And then I looked down at my crappy paper again. And then I thought: What the fuck just happened? The suitcase woman then said thank you to me, and I thought, I won. The bitchy pushy partner woman kept up her look of death at me for the rest of the train ride, but clearly it was an inferior look, and she already lost, so I read my paper. I was mostly still angry though. And since when do I talk sternly to old people on the train?

Then I got off the train at Farragut North. I think bitchy woman did too, but we parted ways. The redundant whistle blowers were blowing away. And then the crosswalk counted down to nothing while the light was green, and several of us began to cross. So we got yelled at by the redundant whistle blowers, who stand in the middle of the intersection and whistle loudly to tell cars that are already moving to keep moving,which usually causes the cars to hesitate, which creates more whistling. I hate the redundant whistle blowers.

When we finally crossed, the woman next to me said, referring to the redundant whistle blowers who had just yelled at us, "Of course, they're only out when the weather is nice." Which made me laugh loudly. Because I really hate getting pushed and yelled at in the morning before I have coffee at my desk (and even after I have coffee at my desk), even if I sometimes win at look of death.