A Bathroom Adventure Fart

I use my cell phone when I'm on the toilet. I use it look up sports scores. I read the news. I play Texas Hold'em King 2. I break records in Brick Breaker (last week I beat every single board).

During the clean-up phase, I always place my cell phone on a small metal ledge that is bolted onto the wall a couple of inches above the toilet paper. It is the perfect place to temporarily store my phone. It is dry, level, and out of the way. Sometimes I wonder whether or not the metal ledge was installed just for this purpose.

Today, I did the unthinkable. I left my phone on the metal ledge. I did not realize this until I got all the way back to my desk. I jumped up and walked at an extremely brisk pace back to the bathroom. The stall had already been re-occupied by an unknown co-worker. That's when things got awkward. I stood in the middle of the bathroom and boomed, "Did I leave my Blackberry on the metal shelf above the toilet paper?" After what felt like an eternity, an embarrassed voice responded, "ummm...I don't see it."

I returned to my desk to regroup. I decided to wait a couple of minutes and then return to the stall. It was now empty, but no phone. I checked the sink area. No phone. Flustered, I left the bathroom and walked down the hall to the receptionist.

"Did someone turn in a cell phone?" I asked. She nodded and reached into her drawer. With her thumb and pointer finger, she pinched the phone and dangled it in front of me. Our eyes connected and she made a funny face. We both knew where the phone had been. It was a very embarrassing moment. I delicately removed the phone from her fingers, mumbled "thank you," and quickly walked away.

It felt as if my least favorite team had hit four home runs in a row against my favorite team and then wedding farts took advantage of my weak moment to rub it in....