A Class Act, that Alex Rodriguez

Proud of your player, man boobs?

Yuck...

...but, not yucky.  We did a lot of work today and last night.  Last night was crabs.  We each ate 5.  Then this morning was omelettes, and then a burger for me and fried chicken for weddingfarts.  Then to top it all off, we had sushi and peking duck.

PEKING DUCK

What happens at night

First you have a Manhattan.  Then you order wings; the right way.  Then you walk around DC frantically looking for beer before the wings come.  You can't find beer because everything in DC is closed. 

Then the wings arrive and they are awesome.  I'm a convert to the weddingfarts method of flat eating.  Absolutely filthy, but it does the job. 

Then you play Halo and win, and weddingfarts gets mad.  Then you play Madden and win and weddingfarts gets mad.  Then you play Halo and win again, and weddingfarts gets mad again.  Then he can't shit right.  Awesome.

today was a special day

We had our first mystery!  1-0 the Canadian wins for solving the mystery.

Washington DC

here's what I know about DC so far.  They have good sandwiches with Roast Beef, Cheddar Cheese, Spinach (because I'm healthy), and bacon. 

After that everyone goes on Weddingfarts roof to have parties.  The only catch is you have to be wearing a dress or a tie.  Luckily Weddingfarts and I were both wearing jeans, polo shirts, and glasses. 

Get ready

sailorjacket goes to DC tomorrow.  Prepare for lot's of posts.

NBA Draft Farts

I really don't care about basketball enough to get worked up about the draft, but someone should probably check on the Sports Guy to make sure he's ok.

Welcome Back, Shithead

I just arrived back at work after a short trip to Boston to find that a shelf on my crappy bookcase has collapsed. There are important law papers everywhere. Crappy bookcase.

It was as if my office was saying: welcome back, shithead. Now clean up this mess.

Note to self...

Do not eat the Chinese food from the 1st floor cafeteria. It will make you feel bad about yourself. And for heaven's sake, stop letting them fool you with the promise of a free chocolate chip cookie.

Things That May Happen Farts

We're going to try a revolutionary new approach to blogging around here: instead of focusing so much on what we ate in the past, we're going to try focusing on what we may eat in the future. I'm going to Boston today. Here are things that MAY happen:

• I may see David Ortiz hit a home run off crappy Tigers pitchers (I'd say another home run, but sailor jacket and I missed our Ortiz home run because of traffic in Los Angeles last summer)
• I may discover when I get back that my credit card is lost and not just in the pocket of the pair of pants I wore yesterday
• I may eat an Anna's Tacqueira steak burrito with everything
• I may get me and the macher lost because I've lived in Boston before but haven't been back in almost two years (how did that happen? has it really been that long?)
• I may eat fried clams or lobster. If not now, then Sunday night, when I return to Boston
• I may listen to WEEI
• I may hurt myself on Dunkin Donuts

That is not all. Everyone mark May25 on their calendars. That is the start of an important weddingfarts summit, here in swampy hot DC. Significant posts are sure to occur then.

Seattle's Best Fart

I am in Seattle for a Microsoft conference this week. I am enjoying an unlimited supply of the best coffee in America. I got a free laptop bag with labeled pockets for my ipod, airplane tickets, and computer. Last night's dinner consisted of a mixed seafood grill with fresh avocado salad which I enjoyed while watching cruise ships and tugboats crawl accross the Puget Sound. God is going to be talking to us tomorrow in the form of Steve Ballmer. I think that I will have seafood again tonight, this time in the form of a crustacean. Life is good.

The Shirts of Summer

It's supposed to be 80 degrees today, and it's humid, of course-- thunderstorms are expected. So I decided to break out a short sleeved polo shirt for the occasion, in my ongoing effort to dress more slovenly each day. I think this is acceptable lawyer wear at the firm.

But somehow I didn't notice the big, long, dark stain on the front until I sat down at my desk.

re: memphisfarts

I don't remember doing that.  Not good.

Yankees & Clemons = Last Place

The Yankees are done for. Roger's 2.30 ERA (2006) will not be enough to win games with the Yankee offense. Clemons and Petite are not the BFF's they are reported to be and will fight like girls all season. He should not have turned down the $18 million dollar offer from Boston. Who would not want to play for Boston? Who!!!

(Can't wait to laugh about my preditions at the end of the year)....

Love,

Boobs

Thanks A Lot, Jerk.

Peter King recently had this to say about our beloved's new running back, Marshawn Lynch:

I think they might as well go ahead and inscribe the Offensive Rookie of the year trophy with Marshawn Lynch's name. With a run-blocking offensive line coach in Jim McNally, two very high-priced line free agents in the fold (Derrick Dockery, Langston Walker) after being trained in run-blocking in their previous places, and the likelihood that Lynch will get 300 carries if he stays healthy ... I mean, unless Calvin Johnson catches 80 balls or some Hofstra receiver comes out of nowhere again, Lynch should win it in a walk.

Which is great and all, but probably means that Lynch will sprain a knee and break a few toes in a mistaken collision with Craig Nall on the second week of practice, and we'll spend a lot of time this season rooting for Anthony Thomas.

Clemens Farts

Now, there is a bad tendency for Red Sox fans to think that everything that happens in baseball happens to them personally. I don't want to participate in that. So I won't comment on the recent acquisition of a fat, 45-year-old pitcher by the Yankees. Instead, I'll let man boobs field this one and make his predictions, so that we'll be able to laugh at them in the fall. Thoughts, man boobs?

Website Fart

Useful link: http://www.bugmenot.com/

Memphisfarts

I dropped a full glass of whiskey all over myself.  I love Memphis.

Why I Watch TV

I didn't watch the whole show yet, but I did catch the Rudy ending on Earl last night. I had been ready for that my whole life.

And I stayed up to watch to watch the end of the Warriors game. I don't watch a lot of basketball, but I've never seen a team so completely demolished before. Stupid Dirk.

Our #1 pickfarts

We've all seen it, but this relationship is probably going to be really newsworthy for the next 3-4 years.