Ghetto Burger

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WARNING: gentle .gov's and vegetarians - this blog is
a graphic re-creation of a cheese burger experience. If
you do not eat meat, cheese, bacon, or any combination
there of, please read this post at your own risk:
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Every so often you experience something so big, so different, so stunning, that it changes the way you look at cheese burgers forever. Yesterday, I had one of those experiences. Yesterday, I met Ms. Ann.

To preface this story, we have been hearing rumors about Ms. Ann and her burgers since March when The Wall Street Journal published this article on the best burgers in America. Ms. Ann's Ghetto Burger topped the list. It was Y2K's birthday and we wanted an experience. We took the afternoon off work and called up a couple of our most adventurous friends. Thus our journey began...

Ms. Ann is a grumpy old grandmother. She owns and runs Ann's Snack Bar, a dive located on a run-down street just East of Atlanta. The snack bar has been open for decades. It consists of 8 stools on one side of a counter and Ms. Ann on the other. Only 8 people at a time are allowed into the restaurant, including people who have to-go orders. Ms. Ann does not start cooking your meal until you order. The burgers are slow cooked, the bacon is deep fried, the buns are toasted, and the tomatoes are sliced right before your eyes. The entire process takes about 30 minutes. The burgers are massive and take approximately 15 minutes to eat.

We arrived at 1:15 and there were 15 people in front of us. We were told that the people inside had been in there for about 20 minutes. That meant a total estimated wait time of one hour and 55 minutes. So we waited.

The crowd outside the snack bar was amazing. There was a guy who said he played for the Colts and for the Falcons and couldn't stop talking about how bad African American athletes had it. "When Vick gets a felony," he explained, "little Johnnie's parents throw away his jersey. But when Rodriguez gets in trouble, it's a whole 'nother story." There was a couple from Buckhead with fancy watches and designer sun-glasses who had obviously heard about Ms. Ann from the same source as us. My favorites, however, were the locals that have been coming to experience Ms. Ann long before the Wall Street Journal article. They kept us entertained with rich stories of the restaurant. They laughed about how strict Ms. Ann was and the rules that you needed to follow within her establishment. She has thrown people out of the restaurant for small offences such as "cussin'", for talking on their cell phone, and for being indecisive. They reminisced about the good old days and laughed about the variety of people that are coming to the restaurant now, including the rich Buckhead couple.

Two hours later, a couple of seats opened up and we walked into the restaurant. We quietly took our seats and waited for Ms. Ann to take our order. We each ordered a Hood Burger which is a Ghetto Burger (double bacon chili cheese) topped with a huge scoop of coleslaw. Ms. Ann liked us and gave us french fries and sweet tea to consume while we were waiting. She gives everyone french fries and sweet tea to consume while they are waiting, but she smiled at us, which is how I know that she liked us. This is what Ms. Ann looks like:



It was very calm inside the restaurant. Ms. Ann does not tolerate loud speakers, and she moves slowly and deliberately through her kitchen. It is as if yours is the only burger that she is making for the afternoon. After 30 minutes of great smells and sights, were were served this:



The 2 pounds of seasoned meat was littered with grilled onions. The crispy deep fried bacon added a nice crunch and the creamy coleslaw was the perfect contrast to the spicy chili. Very few people can finish this beast of a burger, and only myself and Y2K (the other Rochesterian in the group) were up for the task. Rochester is #1. Then Y2K bet me $50 to finish Michigan's burger, which I made look easy.

Here is my secret - I take a big bite and then sip sweat tea. As I chew, the tea helps turn the burger and bun into a smooth mush. The mush flows easily down my throat and quickly through my stomach. Once it has made it's way through, my stomach is ready for the next big bite. Also, the faster you can stuff the food into your mouth the better - it takes your body a little bit of time to tell your brain that you are full.

Almost 24 hours since my last bite, I can still smell, taste, and feel the burger. It was everything I have ever dreamt of in a burger and some things that I have never dreamt possible. Today I feel slightly dizzy and nausious, and I don't expect my body to be back to normal for another day or two. But I don't regret anything. This was the best overall burger experience of my entire life.

I leave you with this final image of pure heaven on a bun: