WEDDINGFARTS, J., concurring in part, dissenting in part.

Having reviewed the views of my distinguished brethren on the matter of boneless chicken "wings," I feel it incumbent upon me to share my own, slightly different set of thoughts.

I believe that there is common ground between the three of us on several important points:

1. Wings (you know which ones I'm talking about) occupy a singular position in each of our weekly "menus";
2. All else being equal, and the proper conditions having attained, boneless "wings" have never, should never, and will never, be ordered in place of wings;
3. And-- I'm going out on a limb here, since Man Boobs did not expressly state this view-- it isn't always easy to eat wings. I feel that I can say this because Man Boobs stains shirts at about the same frequency I do, which is to say, most days of the week.

Where my colleagues seem to differ, if they in fact do, is on the degree of messiness that one should put up with due to consumption of wings in less than ideal conditions where there is a boneless option. Man Boobs has staked out a somewhat hardline position, which even rhymes, kind of. (Footnote: I, like Sailor Jacket, am skeptical that Man Boobs would never lower himself to eat "ground up" and fried chicken, having eaten many lunches with him during the chicken patty years.) Sailor Jacket is less doctrinaire, proposing a multi-factor test to judge the appropriate manner of consumption of wings.

My feelings on the matter are mixed. My instincts are to side with Man Boobs, and I sympathize with his view (but unfortunately not his skill) that flats just aren't as hard to eat as commonly thought. But I appreciate, at the same time, several of the food innovations that have been made possible by boneless "wings." For example: the buffalo chicken salad. In other words, the boneless "wing" should not be viewed as a replacement to the wing, but as an extension of its beauty, grace, and power which enables the consuption of buffalo-ness in non-wing settings.

So I suggest this: Boneless "wings" should never be eaten when sitting at a bar watching a game, when ordering food at home, or when pizza is served at the same meal. It is acceptable to eat boneless "wings," however, when they are incorporated into a sandwich with tomato or in a salad with blue cheese dressing, when they are eaten at lunch, when eating a buttoned-down shirt that had been cleaned within the last week, or when sweating in front of females is of major concern.

I have a feeling that, if the three of us were to sit down, there is no question as to what we'd order.

The more important question is: who would eat the most?