Ode to Blanktop Fart

I am a technology consultant. I combine state-of-the-art software and hardware solutions to solve complex business problems. I have installed ERP systems across the continent. I have created software to track the profitability of billion dollar companies. I have increased machine efficiencies, integrated disparate HR systems, and revolutionized time and expense tracking for fortune 500 companies. However, for the past two weeks I have been relegated to IT support. This consists of answering a phone and watching cases pop onto my screen. The most common issues in order of prevalence are:

1) I forgot my password.
2) I cannot log into XXXXX.
3) XXXXX is broken. (no additional details)
4) My name/manager/email/phone number/department is incorrect (I can not actually fix these tickets, so I forward and email to HR who takes a week to complete while I deal with angry users).

I am attempting to approach my new responsibilities with a positive attitude. I get to meet a lot of my end users, see what pain points exist at my client, and take a break from tight deadlines and status reports. However, this morning I had a help request that sent me over the edge. As a dedication to Blanktop, I decided to share this experience with you:

Me: Hello, this is Man Boobs.
User: I have not been able to login to ApplicationX for three weeks!! This is ridiculous!!!
Me: I can help you with that, but I need you to create a helpdesk ticket first. We can not edit a user's settings without a ticket. I can stay on the line while you create the ticket and then we can proceed.
User: I have already created tickets. Apparently I do not email back fast enough so they get closed!
Me: OK, I can look up your old tickets and re-open one of them. Can I please have your name?
User: John.
Me: I need your last name to look up the ticket.
User: It's John Smith.
Me: OK - here's a ticket for this problem. It looks like the ticket was open for 10 days without a response so someone closed it. Have you followed our instructions for how to troubleshoot this issue?
User: Yes! I've done everything and I still can not log in!!!!
Me: OK, where do you sit? I can come over and take a look.
User: 6th floor.
Me: North tower or South tower?
User: Ummm...South.
Me: What Street? (The building is huge and each aisle of cubicles has a sign that says a street number so that you have a chance to find who you are looking for).
User: I don't know!
Me: Can you please go see. It will take me forever to find you without knowing your street.
User: Look, just get off the elevator, take a left, walk around the hall, and I'm the second cube.
Me: OK, I will try to find you. (I should have made him get up and walk ten feet to see what street he was on, but all I wanted to do was get off the phone and crawl up into a ball under my desk).

So I took the elevator to the 6th floor, took a left, and just as I suspected I did not see the user's name on the second row of cubicles. It took me about 15 minutes of walking around and asking anyone who looked up at me for help before I was able to find the user. Once I got on his computer, I quickly ascertained that he had not changed his settings per our instructions. After about 30 seconds he was up and running. I believe the only word he said to me was when the screen came up was "Finally."