Obama Boobs

At first I thought this was a picture of Obama's head transposed on my body. My decision has been made - man boobs for president.

Cupcake Update #2

Apparently not everyone loves cupcakes as much as me...

Cupcake Update

I can't write for long - my fingers are covered with gooey chocolate frosting and moist morsels of chocolate cupcake...

Case of the Mysterious Cupcakes Solved

A couple months back I wrote an entry regarding a box of assorted cupcakes that had mysteriously appeared in the break room fridge. Where did they come from? Who were they for? Why were they in an unmarked cardboard box? What came first, the orange or the color orange?

Well, two days ago the answer arrived in the form of a spam company email:

"Dear Employees....It’s almost our quarterly Birthday cup cake day!!!"

So you can imagine my excitement this morning when I woke up and remembered that today is the day. I put on a darker shirt than normal hoping to conceal the inevitable frosting stains and showed up to work with an empty stomach and an adrenalin high. So far, no cupcakes.

I'll keep you posted.

NOTE FOR CONSPIRACY THEORISTS: The email did have one detail that is throwing me for a loop. Behind the words is an image of a large chocolate and strawberry cake with a cherry on top (see image below). Is this what the executives get to eat on cup cake day? Was cupcake day originally meant to be gourmet cake day? Perhaps we'll never know...

More Baseball Fun

If I were more adept at blogging, I would just post this video straight to the blog. But I'm about as proficient at blogging as I am at eating without ruining a shirt (ruined shirt count over the past 24 hours: 1 knit blue shirt, chocolate ice cream; 1 striped button down, tomato (!?!)). So you're going to have to do the incredibly difficult thing of clicking here.

What is it? Roger Clemens begging for a job at age 95. Worth it, I tell yu.

Don't Play Games with Us, Gilbert

I didn't say anything at the time, because I didn't want to be believe it was true, and I didn't want to think about the horrible possibilities. But Gilbert Arenas opted out of his final year of his contract with the Wizards. That's the type of thing you do when you are looking to go somewhere else. But Gilbert also represents himself, so it may also be the type of thing you do when you're bored of playing Halo. It's sometimes hard to tell with him.

But thank God for blogs. Gilbert says he's not going anywhere. He has a whole analysis to prove it. I hope he's telling us the truth.

In other news, Mike Bloomberg says he's not running for president.

On Tour

I leave tomorrow for Mississippi.  It's going to be very hot there.  I'm going to sweat so much. 
Then I go to New York, where I will also be sweaty.
Then I return to LA where I will also be sweaty

Then I have a week off.

Then I go to DC and see weddingfarts where it's sweaty everywhere but bethesda.
Then I go to somewhere in Pennsylvania where it's hot
Then I go to our old stomping grounds where it's muggy
Then I go to Texas where I will sweat again.
Then I go to New York where the drive in is.
Then I go to Philadelphia or something.

Then I come home.

Summer.  Sweaty.  Summer.

Why Every American Jew Should Love the Red Sox and Hate the Yankees

I'm glad someone else wrote this, so I don't have to.

Law Day

Yesterday was Law Day.  I went to the courthouse, which is huge, and went for jury duty.  Here are a few things that they don't tell you about jury duty:

1.  Bring a pen, or you have to buy one for 90 cents.
2.  There are a billion people there and none of them look happy.
3.  You will be a lot sweatier than you anticipated.
4.  The parking garage is accompanied by a lot of stairs, hence the sweating.
5.  They let you fill out a form (hence the pen) so that you can postpone and then just... leave.  It was weird.  I didn't think that I would be able to just... leave.
6.  Lawyers also have jury duty.

I said duty 3 times

Much Ado About Man Boobs

I couldn't have said it better myself.

Just Leave Us Alone

Apparently your posts have caused some anger in the pages of Slate, man boobs. Keep up the good work.

What Mensches!

With the absence of Gabe Kapler (and, consequently, the Gabe Kapler guy at Angels Stadium) and Adam Stern (as well as Samantha Stern) from this year's Red Sox squad, you may have thought that the team had turned against Our People. But, don't worry-- the Red Sox LOVE the Jews.

Kiper is back

Mel Kiper started doing NFL draft shit for next year already, and based on what he says about this guy (the #1 prospect) we're all fucked.

1. Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville (6-3, 223)
Polished pure passer in the Jim Kelly mold.

A-ROD BEATS BOSTON

Hell yeah!!!!