Explaining the Tension Farts

You're probably wondering why everything has seemed so tense at weddingfarts this week. Even though most of us haven't been posting much this week, you keen .govs can probably feel the stress and uncertainty behind our silence.

I'll explain. Something is happening that has never happened here before. No, not the impending wedding of one of our correspondents-- we've been through that and came out mostly unscathed (although I personally still have nightmares of decorating man boob's golf cart). What is going on is even more serious than marriage. (Although not as serious as babies.)

I'm talking about the fantasy football (a.k.a. "tasia") championship round between me and sailor jacket this weekend. We don't talk much about fantasy football here, because to do so would be uncouth (and because I didn't really ask man boobs if wanted to help with my team this year, so I try not to bring it up around him. Man boobs: now that I'm in the finals, I'm never asking for your help again).

It's intense. There hasn't been such conflict between me and sailor jacket since we fought over [REDACTED] in 1994. But these days, everyone fights over [REDACTED]. So, in some ways, this is the biggest conflict we've ever had. And a week before sailor jacket's wedding, no less. Heady times.

Let me note that sailor jacket deserves a certain modicum of praise for the way that he has conducted his team this year. I'm pretty sure no one has ever tried to win a tasia championship with a Jewish quarterback before. Still, I'm angry about Thanksgiving week, and plan on winning this weekend (note: when I say things like that, I usually lose).

I want to ease the tension around here, in honor of the holidays. So I propose this. Hero of Beloved has been going around pledging to keep the Beloved where they belong. But we all know that Hero of Beloved isn't that rich, even though he owns a bar in Buffalo. He says he can get the money, but he also said that we'd win a few Superbowls.

I hereby pledge any tasia winnings to Hero's efforts to keep the Beloved in Buffalo, although maybe move them a little closer to Rochester too. Sailor jacket-- will you do the same?