Belated Beloved Burger Farts: Atlanta, March 2009

Bills Draftfarts

Please understand I may be one of the only people in the world that actively sets aside time to watch the first round of the NFL draft, but it has much to do with our beloved. Needless to say, in the course of the last week the Bills traded a pro bowl left tackle and drafted several cornerbacks (not an area of need).

A short, Emmy award winning video from last years #1 pick (local commercials are art)



Basically here is what happened. The Bills drafted several undersized players who will not play the positions in the NFL that they played in college. That, .govs, does not make a shitload of sense.


The following is from espn.com:

Riskiest move

The Buffalo Bills traded Pro Bowl left tackle Jason Peters a week before the draft and didn't select a tackle.

You can look at this three ways: 1) the Bills are confident veteran Langston Walker and second-year project Demetrius Bell can handle the tackle positions; 2) they might be working on a trade for someone like Levi Jones after the Cincinnati Bengals drafted Andre Smith; or 3) Buffalo's front office doesn't know what it's doing.

Buffalo went with Penn State defensive end Aaron Maybin, Louisville center Eric Wood, Oregon defensive back Jairus Byrd, Oregon State guard Andy Levitre, Southern Miss tight end Shawn Nelson, Oklahoma linebacker/safety Nic Harris, Southern California cornerback Cary Harris and West Virginia cornerback Ellis Lankster.

Maybin and Wood can easily be justified as first-round choices. But the Bills are adding a variable to Wood's future by moving him to guard after he started 49 straight games as Louisville's center.

Meta-Farts

Here at Weddingfarts, we love all things meta.

Or at least some of us do. Some of us get very angry at the use of the word "meta."

And others never use it at all.

But that shouldn't stop anyone from enjoying this meta-pizza:


Meta-pizza. See?

Real Worldfarts II

Chet sucks. It's official. I asked wife which lame housemate was crying at the end of the latest show. She said, "It was Chet. He's a tool".

Radioheadfarts

.gov's, what many of you may not know is that I am a music snob and I used to write terrible, unobjective, grammatically incorrect music reviews for my college newspaper. I don't envision this type of post often, especially because it has nothing to do with lunch, hating twitter, or our beloved but I think you dedicated weddingfarters and .gov's will enjoy this.

This is Radiohead performing at the Grammy's. What you are about to watch is a band at the height of their powers doing something unexpected and completely awesome. I can't imagine the thrill the USC marching band got from rehearsal and performance of the song "15 Steps". Granted Thom Yorke dances around a bit too douchey, but you would too if you had the power to scare the shit out of the entire music industry (releasing awesome new album online that fans could download for free or buy at whatever price they wanted).

You enjoy a serious bit of great music:

Jauronfarts

Luckily the very fearful leader of our beloved has talked to the guy on nationalfootballpost.com about the TO situation.

Mike Lombardi, who wrote the article is constantly on the BS Report with Bill Simmons. He always sounds like he knows what he's talking about.

Jauron doesn't say anything out of the ordinary, but then again he never does. I think the point is that the Bills players are almost... excited... about playing with TO.

Donte Whitner is my facebook friend farts

I just became "friends" with Donte Whitner - starting safety for the Buffalo Bills - on Facebook. The following is my last status update (status update = twitter for those who refuse to twit and aren't on the weddingfarts roster of excellence)

"Sailor Jacket can't believe that TO is a Bill. Do you know how much explaining and apologizing I'm going to have to do when the season starts??"

I wonder what my new friend Donte Whitner thought of that?

Twitterfarts III 900% useage increase farts

Twitter has had a 900% useage increase in the last year. I will never use twitter for my own purposes. Here's the reason why: when someone posts something on their twitter it is called a tweet.

A tweet. People compliment each other on their tweets. What is the past tense of a tweet? I tweeted? I twatted?

.govs - you should never be talking to anyone at your fancy job and tell them that you were twatting last night until all hours. Not a good idea.

Soupfarts

Tortilla soup is the answer to every question you have had today. Have
it for dinner .govs

Trust me

Terrel Deep thoughtsfart III

At least he sounds like he's convinced that the Bills have some upside. On the other hand, he refers to himself as a Buffalo Bill, you know, the serial killer in Silence of the Lambs?

Nothing to worry about. Nothing at all.

Terrell Deep Thoughts Farts II

I've had a few hours to reflect on this evening's events.

I'm scared. And pretty sure this is a bad idea. And drunk.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just not used to my team being in the limelight.

Maybe, we'll be a credible team. Maybe we have an actual offense threat.

Maybe I'm afraid of the implications of all that.

Or maybe I've just watched the Eagles and Cowboys enough to know what a mess this could be.

Koreatown farts II

The restaurant we ate at was called Dong il Jang... And hilarity ensues.

Koreatownfarts

Awesome. Grill at your table. There are all you can eat options at
some places. It was an adventure.

You enjoy my shrimp and beef.

I'm Calming Down

Ok. Deep breath.

Maybe this won't be so bad?

Maybe this will open up the offense a lot more? We'll have three real receivers on the field instead of two?

Maybe he just won't get so much attention in a small market?

Maybe he'll push Trent in a good way-- maybe fewer two yard "safe" passes to get the ball out?

"North America's Team" Farts

Fuck.

"God Has a Plan for Me" Farts

Question at the press conference: "TO, why did you pick Buffalo"

Answer: "God has a plan for me . . .this probably may not be the most ideal place for a lot of people"

Phishpharts?

All of the Terrel Owens news has everyone in our immediate orbit in a froth. I needed something to ease my mind and I found it with this article that made me wish that I was still in college and could enjoy this news very irresponsibly.

"A Marriage of Desperation"

According to ESPN blogger Tim Graham.

ESPN also reported that Jauron didn't sign off on this.

Oh good.

Terrell Deep Thoughts Farts

Is Lee Evans ever going to get to catch a long pass again?

To Put Things in Some Context

Many of you are probably wondering why we're so upset around here.

To put things in context, here is an email I sent to Sailor Jacket after learning that Jabari Greer signed elsewhere. (Warning, gentle .govs, it gets a bit salty toward the end):

Get used to the idea of the toronto bills. I'm serious. This is not a team that is trying. This is a team wading in shark infested waters. I'm serious. This is a team that has no one driving it. I'm absolutely digusted. Its not about greer. Its about all of the imcompetence. Why not get SOMETHING for dockery?? What is plan excactly at tight end?? Look at the jets, who we play twice a year. They are a new york team, amd they hustled to get bart. See peter king's article. The bill's front office is fucking all of us. And they know it. And they don't care. I'm fucking pissed.

Now, you might read that and think-- "hey, they did what you wanted and signed a big name player, aren't you happy?"

No, I'm not happy. I'm more fucking irate than ever.

TO is not what we need. We have Lee Evans. We have Josh Reed. We have plenty of receivers. We also have a fucking fragile situation in Buffalo right now, with a young quarterback, a gentle but not controlling coach, and general lack of talent on the line. And we didn't sign TO, awesome receiver. We signed old, chip on the shoulder TO, who, I'm sure, wanted to go ANYWHERE but Buffalo. He has no reason to humble himself now. Just make a fucking mess, collect his money and get out of town. Don't take my word for it-- listen to the talking heads on ESPN right now.

We needed anything BUT TO.

Fuck, I hate writing "TO." His name is Terrell. People who are named Terrell should be remind of that fact as often from possible. From now on, we will never again say "TO" on this blog.

I have a lot more to say, but I'm too irate. And too hungry. I have chicken nuggets in the toaster oven awaiting country sweet sauce.

But I digress.

This is not going to go well. I'm not just saying that because I'm a Bills fan, and, as such, I'm generally down on life. I'm saying that because I spend most of my time thinking about football, and thinking that, whatever else you can say about the Bills, at least we don't have a fucking TO (fuck I did it again) on our team. We got rid of Travis Henry, for fuck sake, just because he had too many kids. And we got rid of Willis McGahee because he said he liked Toronto more than Buffalo, and dissed Applebee's. Applebee's, for fuck sake.

Do you know what Canadians call Toronto? T.O.

We're fucked.