Eat This

"Hey man boobs, I have something for you to try" says one of my Chinese co-workers as I stride towards my cubical this morning with my standard level of swag (arms up in the air like I just won a boxing match).

"What is this?" I demand as I examine the package laden with Chinese characters. Inside I can see strips of dried white flesh stuffed tightly together. Jerk turkey is my first thought, but I can not find a single image or translation to confirm my suspicions.


"Just eat it," she replies and shoots me a look of disappointment. I can tell that she is surprised that I would even hesitate trying one of her favorite snacks.

(Everything around me freezes as I turn to the audience and explain the following) If you know me personally, or you have ever read this this blog (I'm talking about you .govs), you know that there is no way I am going to walk away from this situation without eating this mystery meat. In moments like these, I feel empowered. I feel like I can blast through the stereotypes of picky Americans who would no less put a new taste experience into their mouth than they would buy season tickets to to their local MLS team or enroll in a Mechanical Aeorospace Engineering program for the love of fluid mechanics. I will eat this food.

"Bring it!" I exclaim as I dive my hand into the bag and grab onto the dry, crumbly substance. As my fingers approach my mouth, the distinct smell of a seafood market drifts past my nose. Dried fish? Perhaps shark? I shove the meat into my mouth and the salt is evident immediately. I bite down and am surprised to find how chewey this food is. The taste is slightly fishy and very chewey. I know that I have tasted this before...

"Dried squid!" announces my co-worker as I swallow hard. "You like it?"

Perhaps it is the fact that it is 9 in the morning and I still have a lingering banana taste in my mouth. Or maybe my brain could not switch fast enough from expecting to taste a land animal but instead chewing endlessly on the shreaded squid. Whatever the reason, I can not hide the look of distaste on my face. I quietly remark that I think the squid is "good" but I can tell that she does not buy it.

I walk the rest of the way to my desk with my arms down at my sides, shoulders hunched, eyes staring straight at the ground, badly in need of a hug...